On my hit list.

Kathy Griffin has been driving me nuts lately.

Honestly, I wasn't even really aware of her until she was in Modesto two years ago and despite selling out a show at our venerable State Theatre, refused to be interviewed for our paper's cover story.

Apparently, the publicist says they do no press when the show is sold out.

That seemed a bit silly and pretentious to me, but lately....

She's EVERYWHERE!

I have news for you, lady - self-depreciating humour gets old fast. You are NO LONGER on the d-list, you twit.

I wish I'd have gotten a picture of it when I was in Hollywood last week. There's a huge billboard for her stand-up routine on the Sunset Strip. I think when that happens, you're no longer on the D-list... winning an Emmy probably gets you on the A-list, since everyone now knows who you are and has an opinion of you, favorable or otherwise.

Her TV show probably keeps me in shape. It's hard work running to the TV to change the channel when I can't find the remote!

Just what will it take for these guys to please you?

So two of my favourite bands are releasing brand new CDs in the next 2 weeks. Alkaline Trio is releasing Agony and Irony on July 1st and Less Than Jake is releasing GNV FLA on June 24th.

Both are also receiving major pressure from their fans and critics for some major reasons. 

First off Less Than Jake. My favorite band of all time. They split with Warner to form their own record label Sleep it Off. In With The Out Crowd didn't receive alot of great reviews from the "old fans" and it seemed to leave a mark on the band as well. They had help for the first time with writing some of the songs, and that didn't seem to go well with those "fans". The people that liked the earlier material (mostly because of some great ska tunes) expected the same thing. They wanted Losing Streak in 2006. Well like most bands, LTJ wanted to progress as a group and wrote some serious songs as well as material that wasn't "ska". Like I mentioned, it didn't go so well with the critics. So with GNV FLA, they recorded at Atlas Studios in Chicago, IL and have been promoting the new album like crazy in the Myspace world. I for one, am stoked. I've heard a few songs and love them already. They sound better then ever, and can't wait till June 24th. These guys have been playing for a very long time, and for the last 10+ years, have heard "return to your ska roots bla bla bla...". Whether or not there are "ska" songs on the record, I can't wait.

Alkaline Trio also is releasing a new record as well. They too, didn't receive any awards for Crimson with the elite fans. Granted, its a darker album, which isn't shouldn't surprise anyone, but the elite fans expected less-polished songs about drinking and alcohol which got them where they are in the first place. Just like LTJ, they progressed as a band and were writing songs different from the Goddammit years. So I've heard some of Agony and Irony, and I'm not sure if I'm liking it more or less then Crimson. "Help Me" is the new single, and it's very catchy and playing on some radio stations already. Just like "Time to Waste" did when Crimson came out. It seems with every new song, the band gains more haters. People expect the same thing, but are getting something they can't stomach because they are stuck with an album they fell in love with. 

So to end this rant that I have been thinking over and over in my head, we as fans can't expect a band that has played for 10 years or more to repeat the same material and sound they started with. Music changed for the better or worse no matter what the fans gripe about. If you strongly dislike an album, don't buy it, and shut up.

Why, people?

Easily the most ridiculous pop-culture status symbol is the bluetooth headset.

Not only does it make the wearer look like the guy from Star Wars, but it makes it appear that nothing is more important to them than an imminent phone call.

And apparently, they don't realize how silly it is to walk around appearing to talk to themself.

Tick Tick Boom! The Hives blow up the Rave.

Pompous Swedish attitudes, sharp clothing, blistering punk rock songs. Who else could I be talking about but the Hives. May 18th they headlined a fantastic show at The Rave/Eagles Club in Milwaukee Wisconsin which goes into the books as one of my top favourite concerts of all time.

 The opening band Locksley came on about 15 minutes late, which pissed off a good amount of the crowd. You could hear the yells "You're late" from some of the fine gentlemen of Milwaukee. The band seemed to have a good response from the ladies though. They weren't the worst opening band in the world, but they sound way better on their myspace.

After a very long period between set ups, The Hives finally took the stage. As soon as their signature red neon sign lit up, everyone took out their camera phones and started snapping pictures. The intro music was an instrumental song from their latest The Black and White album called " A Stroll Through Hive Manor Corridors". They opened with "Hey Little World" which is also off of the new album. Following that was "Main Offender" from Veni Vidi Vicious.  "Main Offender" is one of two Hives songs off that Godawful Rock Band gamers are obsessed with, so you can imagine how excited the crowd got. The Hives exploded a 65-minute set including other fantastic numbers like "Two-Timing Touch and Broken Bones", "Die, Alright!" "You Dress Up For Armageddon" "Walk Idiot Walk" and a slew of others. 

After finishing "Won't Be Long", Howlin' Pelle (which maybe one of the best front men of all time") stated to the audience "One, it was fantastic. Two, there seemed to be a shortage of claps. Three, I will give you another chance to clap louder". The crowed roared and clapped as loud as they could. Pelle exclaims "Okay good, everything is restored to order".

They returned for an encore which included  "Bigger Hole To Fill",  "Hate to Say I Told You So" and "Return The Favour". Pelle asked the audience after finishing "Hate to Say I told You So" "Now how the Hell do we follow up THAT?!", right before going into "Return The Favour". 

If there is one band to see in your life time, go see The Hives. Even if you only know "Hate to Say I Told You So", it's an amazing experience. They interact a ton with their crowd from Howlin' Pelle getting into the crowd singing, to Chris Dangerous throwing out drum stick after drum stick. They are still on tour so if they come to your town, go enjoy yourself.

Uh, what is it then?

Let's talk beer - or beer commercials, at least.

In the seemingly unwinnable war between macro and micro brews, there is a new Budweiser radio commercial that tells us:

...this beer isn't a Bock, or an Ale, or a Cherry Wheat or a Berry Wheat, or a trendy Microbrew - but it is the perfect mix of taste and refreshment.

I wanted to scream when I first heard this commercial. After all, Budweiser is one of the most tasteless beers ever created. Excuse me, it's beer-flavoured water.

But the more I thought about it, the more I felt sorry for them.

After all, Bud-Coors-Miller have been making the same taste-alike product for well over 100 years. Someone once said that it takes skill to make something for that long that tastes consistently like nothing.

OK, I'm done feeling sorry for them. If you're a real beer-drinker, you drink it because it's tasty, not for the buzz.

****

The TV Bud commercial I've been raging about has been the one set in the bar where the bartender - of course, an attractive blonde - educates several men dressed-to-impress on the history of Budweiser. Nowhere, is the loud, obnoxious music normally played in a bar, prompting that bartender to shout "what?" when you try to order. Nowhere is the cloud of smoke that is ever-present in 90 percent of America's bars. It's a really pleasant setting... which would make you actually want a beer you can enjoy. Not Buttwiser.

****

My all-time least favourite commercials right now are the Cadillac commercials that have been running.

http://www.cadillac.com/cadillacjsp/model/gallery.jsp?primary=5&model=cts&nid=1&sid=0&id=4

Apparently, it's some bigname acress I've never heard of in them.

Her monotonous tone just drives me up a wall.

I think, but can't confirm, that she was also in the Cadillac commercial where she lists the things her husband has got her for x-mas or anniversary. Of course, they're high-priced, rich-person things like a country club membership and other crap a typical female wouldn't want. Of course, he redeems himself by getting her the car she's currently shilling.... in that monotonous voice.

Here's another: http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-4393080544546802938&q=cadillac+commercial&ei=ENYsSLbpJJGcqgPPr-G1CQ

What a great line, "when you turn your car on does it return the favour?"

Ugh, I want to put a baseball bat to her car right now.

Another Cadillac commercial that's not as obnoxious (since she's not in it), but kind of a head scratcher:
http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&VideoID=31797597

What exactly does that tag line mean: "...if you're not into all of that, there's just one thing to do - graduate."

I have graduated. I drive a mini-van now.

No flippin' wonder!

I thought it was embarassing that I continue mixing up Miley Cyrus' music with Paramore.

Everytime that "crush" song would come on our local mega-corporate radio affiliate, I'd ask my wife if it were Hanna Montana. "No," she'd mutter. "It's Paramore. I told you that last time."

Well, apparently, they sound so similar because they're BFFs.

Fall Out Boy-Thanks for the Mmrs Part 6

"I only think in the form of crunching numbers"...