The Twilight Vampires Are Just Plain Stupid

So this is totally unrelated to all things music, but it's getting on my nerves. The world is obsessed with the Twilight saga, as well as those series involving the emotional vampires that hardly look like some intimidating creatures of the. The main vampire character from the upcoming Twilight movie looks more like the distraught kid who just doesn't "fit" in school. I was always under the impression vampires were supposed to install fear and scare people into a run of terror. So with that in mind, I've come up with a list for your entertainment of infamous vampires that could easily take out the emotional "Edward".

The classic Dracula played by Bela Lugosi could easily frighten anyone. He's not hideous, but his eyes could scare you quickly & was hardly attractive compared to the teen vampires of today's movies and television shows.

Nosferatu. By far the scariest of monster creatures and he was made famous in SILENT movies! His face is just creepy by any standards. He's nasty, ugly and everything a so-called monster should be. The images of his silhouette on the wall with the long creepy nails is frightening! If it was possible, I'd love to see him take out the vampires in Twilight.

Count Chocula. Seriously, he's terrifying. Why? have you read the ingredients? His sugary breakfast food could easily rot out your teeth. He may not go after your neck, but he'll take out your teeth!

So there you have it. I have never read any of the Twilight books or are following the True Blood series. They can sit in the parking lot late Thursday evening awaiting for the movie to come out. I'll keep nice and warm in my warm bed.

Jazz for punks

It took me a while to get into jazz. Mostly, it was because I absorbed it thru my musical education in college. It was sorta forced upon me. I resisted for as long as I could until I was able to meet it half-way.

Being a fan of aggressive music, I thought jazz was easy-listening stuff. But if you seek it out, study its development in the 20th century, there are so many parallels of it to punk rock.

Jazz evolved from the blues in the early part of the century. White musicians - as usual - co-opted black blues and watered it down until it became rag-time, then swing and big band.

Just like how rock and roll came from the blues and became more and more sanitized as the 50s progressed to the over-indulgent 70s.

Along came be-bop. Derided as utter crap, just like punk rock 30 years later, be-bop became the counter to white jazz and eventually, the accepted true jazz form.

Be-bop begat modal jazz, represented by Miles Davis' amazing "Kind of Blue" album (released in 1959), which is the best selling jazz record of all time.

Miles eventually continued exploring modal jazz, taking it to something called "free-bop" which is some of the most aggressive jazz I've heard.

That said, here's a brief list of jazz tunes that should appeal to punks with an open mind:

John Coltrane

* "Blue Train"
* "Giant Steps"
* "Afro Blue"
* "My Favorite Things"
* "Syeeda's Song Flute"

Miles Davis

* "Seven Steps to Heaven"
* "Four"
* "Footprints"
* "ESP"

Charlie Parker

* "Bloomdido"
* "Now's the Time"
* "Yardbird Suite"
* "Chasing the Bird"

Thelonious Monk

* "Straight no Chaser"
* "Well, You Needn't"
* "I mean you"

Wayne Shorter

* "Speak no Evil"

Oliver Nelson

* "Stolen Moments"

McCoy Tyner

* "Passion Dance"

There's a Fine Line Between Keeping the Beat, & Looking Like You're Having a Seizure

I know that if a lot of drummers read this post, I'll get angry comments, flaming bottles thrown at me or perhaps egged. I'd take simply the angry comments, but with that in mind, here's my thoughts on drummers and some of the so-called "greats". For the record, I've never been a major fan of drummers like Travis Barker, Lars Ulrich (of Metallica), or that clown Joey J. from Slipknot. Why, right? They're worshipped by many drummers. Some even pray that they could develop the skills and techniques to play like their Gods. Well, this drummer prefers drummers who can be creative while still holding down the beat in a less then obnoxious way. With that, I really dislike Travis Barker. Woah! Yes, I said it. I know he survived a plane crash, & played the drums with one working hand, I just don't dig his style. Who needs to literally bang the hell out of the drum kit? really? Is it really adding much to the song? He is far from visually interesting. He just looks like he's convulsing.

Then there's drummer Lars from Metallica and Joey J. from Slipknot. Both drummers equally worshipped. They're "double bass masters" and have a massive amount of followers. Double bass drumming is silly. Especially since it sounds like a machine gun. How is this exciting. "lets see how fast we can drum!" I just can't see anything exciting about it.

In conclusion, the drummers out there can continue trying to twirl the drum stick while hitting 150 beats a minute. I'll continue hitting my drums and cymbals without trying to shatter and destroy my cymbals.